because love makes you stupid
by manx1
Summary: FINISHED!! with an authors rant at the end....yay! Angua vs. Vimes...I'm sure you'll all be pleasantly disappointed at the outcome...:)
1. Chapter one

Disclaimer: Don't own the discworld or anyone in it. 

****

Because Love Makes You Stupid

She shouldn't have done it. Wouldn't it have been better not to know? _No _her mind screamed_ no no no,_ and more importantly, how could she have not known, not noticed? _Stupid stupid stupid. Because you're stupid._ _Because love makes you stupid. _

In hindsight it was obvious. Carrot had, for the past few months, steadily lost interest in her. Oh he still spent time with her, the odd night with her, but he had become distant. His essential Carrotness had been missing.

She had asked him once if something was wrong, and a smile had spread across his face. 'No' he'd said 'Everything's great. I'm fine, better than fine, even.' And he was telling the truth. She'd known, could smell it. And she knew Carrot didn't lie, wouldn't lie. Not to her.

So she had followed him.

Stupid, perhaps, and risky. And such a betrayal of Carrot's trust. But she'd had to do it. Had to know why she was losing him.

So she'd followed him, padding softly through the twisted streets of Ankh-Morpork, following Carrot's trail, marveling at how the city bent itself to him.

All he had done was go on patrol, treating Ankh-Morporkians like the were good and moral citizens, who would respond by being (very briefly) both good and moral, until he wore off and they reverted to the nasty cut-throat rabble they secretly knew they were.

Angua had followed him back to his lodgings and then crept, still wolf-formed, up the wooden stairs, inch at a time, until she was next to his door, trying to make sense of the muffled conversation behind it.

And then her world had shattered.

She had stayed, crouched at the door, unable to move or scream or howl or breath as she had listened to the soft rasp of shedding clothes, and the clunk as Carrots armor landed on the floor. And then the softest whisper of skin moving against skin, and that halfgroan of Carrots that she knew so well. Angua heard Carrot cry out, followed by another voice.

And then Carrot Ironfounderson, , who Angua loved so much and so sharply that sometimes she wished she didn't said 'I love you'

And His Grace His Excellency the Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes, of the City Watch said roughly, 'I love you too, Carrot'

TBC? Hell yeah!

Ok…this is very much a work in progress (agonizingly, irritatingly slow progress) and as such is liable to be changed or pulled down altogether. I'm not terribly happy with it, but have reworked it to death, and now it is to be unleashed on the kind people at ff.net. Reviews are gratefully accepted, collected, dried and made into interesting patterns. Flames will be eaten. But feel free to flame….go on…I dare you…

…please review…I have no clear idea where this is going, feel free to focus me in a direction…


	2. Chapter two

Disclaimer: I own the Discworld…..Yeah right (I just love those Tui ads…don't you?)

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because love makes you stupid

chapter two

Angua had left the building silently, and wandered through the Ankh-Morpork night. She had stopped in at Biers long enough to realise that if she started drinking now she wouldn't stop for a long long time. She had wandered thorough the darkest parts of the Shades, half hoping for an unlicensed thief, or optimistic cut-throat to try their luck. The Shades, alas, were unobliging, and the cold streets were quiet. And so she had found herself in front of the Pseudopolis yard watch-house. 

Angua looked at the lightening sky; it was dawn. She entered the watch-house, forcing herself to speak normally to the zombie on the graveyard shift. 

She took a deep breath. 'Morning Lance-constable Cadill'

The zombie looked up. 'Good morning Corporal Angua. You're up early. Has something happened? No other officers have reported in…' Lance-constable Cadill was a very new, nervous and eager recruit, and Vimes had capitalized on this nervous eagerness by suggesting that he take the shifts that other officers might not want. As a result, Cadill was on a near permanent graveyard shift.

__

Zombie on the graveyard shift? Classic Vimes…her throat closed suddenly, silencing her in mid-conversation. She squeezed her burning eyes shut, willed herself not to cry, _not now, not here_

'I'm fine' she said in response to Cadill's alarmed look, 'really, I'm just…I think…I need to see the Commander. He'll be in soon, wont he?'

Cadill flicked through paper and rotas and memos in an increasing panic. When he began examining his coffee mug for evidence of Vimes' schedule Angua took pity on him. 'Don't worry about it' she told he panicking zombie, walking past the front desk up the stairs 'he should be here in about a half hour or so. I'll just go wait in his office.'

'I'll tell the Commander you're here when he arrives, then'

Angua looked at him, and Cadill realised then how golden her eyes were in the half-light of dawn, and how white and _sharp_ this made her teeth look, and he was suddenly overcome with a desire to hide under his desk until the danger went away

'Don't worry about it' said Angua as she began the stairs that led to the Commander's office. 'He knows I'm here'

TBC….? only if you're very, very good *smirk*….sorry its so short…it started off as a paragraph and evolved into a chapter….how odd…

A/N Did I really say I didn't like slash? That doesn't sound like me…*blushes muchly* oh well…. This isn't really V/C slash…it was originally intended to be just the opening to an entirely different fic….I have no real idea where this is going…though apparently it's all going pear-shaped for Vimes (Angua-shaped, if we're going to be specific about it *smirks*)

As always, criticism, comments and the rest are welcomed and appreciated - it's the only way I'll improve…


	3. Chapter three

It's another terribly short chapter….enjoy….

Disclaimer: Well obviously I don't own the Discworld…c'mon people, lets get some perspective….

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because love makes you stupid

chapter three

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Vimes walked into the Watch House as the shift was changing. He nodded cheerfully to the zombie at the front desk, internally trying to place his name _Cadwall? Camel? New one of Carrots, I guess. _

No sir, Carrot's voice said in his head, _one of ours._

Vimes grinned, despite himself. His nights with Carrot always put him in a good mood, despite the invariable longing it brought…the _if only things could be different _train of thought which was too dangerous, too painful to follow through with.

They'd drifted towards it late last night, just before he'd left.

----------

'I have to go, Carrot' he said, 'Sybil is expecting me at home _some_ time tonight' he managed a weak chuckle, 'can't have her come looking for me'

Carrot didn't reply for a while. Then;

'sir…?'

'Sam, Carrot'

'Sam…do you ever wish…I mean, isn't there some way things could be…different'

__

Every dammed day Vimes thought, looking at Carrot's hopeful face _every godsdammed day… _'How would that work, then Carrot? You tell Angua, I tell Sybil. We flip a coin for who tells the Patrician?'

Wounded blue eyes looked at him.

__

Gods Carrot, please don't…don't make this any harder 'Carrot I'm just being realistic. I love you, but I can't….I can't leave Sybil. You can't leave Angua, you've said so yourself'

'But I don't love her!' There was panic in Carrot's voice now 'Not like I love you'

Vimes relented 'I know, I know. But we can't have any more than this, no matter how much we want it.'

'But…'

Carrot was silenced with a loving kiss. 'No buts…'_ this conversation has to end now, before we start making promises we can't keep, _'This is all we can have' Finality in his voice_. _'Carrot -what would you have us do…? Leave Ankh-Morpork?' He chuckled softly, sadly, and let himself out the door.

__

----------

Because Vimes was occupied with lacing his boots, and because the noise from the outside world was louder than usual, Carrots near-inaudible reply missed him entirely. 

'If you asked, sir'

----------

He shook himself out of memories, bracing himself for the day ahead. It was Carrot's day off, and he had made Vimes promise that he would make a dent in the paperwork. 'No patrolling today sir. Not till you've tackled these piles.' _And I'll do it too. I'll work my way through this dammed paperwork till night. Because he wants me to. _And smiling, he stepped into his office. So wrapped in memories of Carrot he didn't notice Angua, waiting in the shadows.

TBC? 

Would I do that to you?

I know this is short….I'm sorry…I meant to write something much longer, and to be frank, far less Vimes-centric. In fact, he wasn't meant to feature at all. D*mn that man! He turns up in the unlikeliest of places…anyway, this is as close to 'Carrot eating breakfast' [he had shredded wheat. With bananas. And then he looked at some of his mothers dwarf bread, if you're interested] as I could get. *waves at VimesLady* 

I've also been removed from the world for a few days, because I've been reading the most wonderful book. _Stonedogs_, by Craig Marriner. Everybody go read it….it's super *shamelessly plugs NZ writers*. But I have another chapter (equally short) almost ready for uploading…will probably be up tomorrow.

As always, do tell me what you think, especially areas where I could improve. A big thank you to all those out there who have said such nice and encouraging things….you make my day! 


	4. Chapter four

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. _You know that
    _**because love makes you stupid
    **chapter four
    Vimes entered the office, _I can smell Carrot on him. why didn't I notice before? why didn't I notice?_ frowning slightly, eyeing his desk and the legendary mounds of paper that covered it. Angua watched as he settled himself, hunting for a pen, a cigar. Now that he was here, Angua was at a loss as to what to do. She had waited in the cold dawn light, a thousand different scenarios running through her head. _kill him. rip him to shreds hunt him humiliate him terrify him shatter him make him howl make him feel just like you do now, screaming inside, dying inside_ And then he had entered and everything had changed. Everything was suddenly, awfully, real.
    She hadn't moved. She didn't know what to do, what to say. A sigh that was half sob escaped her, and he bit the end off his cigar, skidded back out of his chair, drawing his sword.
    'Angua?! What in hell are you doing here!' Fear made his voice harsh. _and guilt_ he reminded himself _don't forget the guilt. you're fucking her boyfriend and one day she's going to find out. and then the midden will really hit the windmill_ 'Gods! What do you...' Alarm set in, '...has something happened?' _oh gods not Carrot
    _
    Angua just stared at him
    Vimes looked at her; she was hastily dressed in the uniform that he recognised as being the emergency one she kept in her locker. _she's been out in plainclothes then...
    _
    'Angua, what is it? What's happened'
    _you stole Carrot, you bastard. that's what's happened. and it's so hard not to just kill you now, flinching behind your desk
    _
    'Angua'
    And then he looked her in the eyes. Saw the bleakness. Dropped the sword, sinking back onto his chair.
    He said the first thing that came to mind. 'Carrot...' he said in a near whisper, more scared than he'd ever been.
    '...is fine...' Angua said, eyes elsewhere '...loves you very much...'
    Vimes froze. '...' Mouth dry, throat dry. Sick and scared. Swallowing, desperately trying to speak. Realising how much danger he could be in _she's a werewolf. an angry, **angry** werewolf
    _
    'how...does Carrot know, uh, that you...know?'
    'No' _bad enough that I'm here now, looking at you, smelling him on you, you bastard. how could I have had done thus with him? how could I look at him without hearing the love in his voice **for you**?
    _
    Vimes couldn't believe he was having this conversation. And stranger still, underneath all the sickening fear, he was still a policeman, in his head.
    _and how long have you known about our relationship? mine (your Commander) and Carrot (you know Carrot; tall chap. red hair. your, er..., your er.), that is. mmmm-hmm. and you found out when...? thank you, you've been very helpful
    _The fear, however, was in current control of his vocal chords, and was too wrapped up in an attempt to retain the use of said vocal chords by not having them forcibly removed from his throat by the werewolf standing before him, to allow him to ask what he wanted to know.
    'who else?'
    Blank look. Angua growled, low in her throat. 'Who else knows about...' she tensed her body, as if anticipating a blow. '...about you and Carrot'
    Vimes could barely whisper. 'No one. No one else knew'
    'Except me'
    'Except you'
    'You stupid, _stupid_ man' Angua's voice was low and twisted with rage. 'Do you have any idea what could happen to you. What could happen to him?
    Vimes groaned, dropping his head to his hands. 'I know. I know...if Vetinari ever finds out….'
    'The Patrician?! Gods Commander, he probably already knows!'
    Vimes flinched
    Angua paused for breath, fighting the part of her brain that was howling for blood, for vengeance. 'That's the least of your worries. What you should be worried about is if someone like Lord Downy finds out. Or Lord Rust. Or Nobby bloody Nobbs! Or...' Angua balled her hands into fists, feeling her nails dig deep into her palm. 'But what you should really worry about, Commander' she snarled, ice in her voice, ice in her veins; the adrenaline that had held her up was nearly gone, making her tremble slightly, 'is what should happen if your wife, who is currently carrying your child, should find out.' Her voice had lowered to a hiss.
    'Oh gods...I know' Vimes whispered slowly. 'I know…it's just...'
    Angua's nails gouged semicircles of flesh from her palms. She wanted to scream or run or fight or anything else but stand there, uselessly. 'I don't care' she snarled. 'I don't care. You knew this! You knew all of this, all the consequences, all the...'
    'It wasn't that simple' he tried to say. 'He...I...we..we lo-'
    'Shut up!' _don't say it, don't **ever** say it.
    _
    Vimes blinked.
    'Why did you have to take him from me?' _oh shit shit shit_ she was thinking _I'm going to cry. not now not now not yet. I need to get out of here I can't do this oh gods _she screamed _why did he have to take him? _She continued, staring at the Vimes's slumped figure. 'He was the only' she paused 'only other person who never cared that I was a werewolf. It didn't bother him. I loved him. And you took him from me.'
    Vimes looked up and Angua was startled to see tears in his eyes, desperation in his voice.
    'Angua I-'
    'shut up. I need...I'm going to go away for a while.' She smiled, despite the rage in her mind. 'A holiday of sorts.'
    _thank gods_ Vimes opened his mouth.
    'At full pay. Starting immediately'
    Vimes bit his tongue. 'Fine' he said weakly.
    'Fine' she said. 'good day, commander'
    'Angua' he said 'we never meant to hurt anyone. He never meant to hurt you. It's just...we lo-'
    The door slammed shut.
    ***authors rant*** (it is, in keeping with the entire story, short)
    WOO-HOO!!! FINISHED!!! I know this wasn't very long, compared to other Discworld fics out there (Chanson de Sang, as a case in point), but schmer...it' my first real attempt at Discworld fanfiction, and I am so very very happy to have it done.
    It is a bit of a cliff-hanger ending, but that's all for the best, I feel. frankly, I'd run out of inspiration, and was sick of the entire thing. This is caused not a little by the fact that the story I wrote is not the one that I wanted to. Originally the Vimes/Carrot barely figured, and Susan was hugely involved. She wound up not figuring at all...how did this happen? I adore Susan! And I really don't like Carrot. I don't. Does anyone else not like Carrot? Please let me know....I feel so alone...lol
    I am thinking about fleshing out an Angua/Susan fic that's been sitting in my head for a while. It's neither slashy nor as implausible as it sounds. At least I don't think so...
    ...and last, but absolutely not least, a great big thank you to VimesLady, Miss Malice, Jinxster & Jo Bendle (and others, who's names are not springing to mind at the moment) for kind and constructive reviews....they made my day!
    ~manx


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